he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize