I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
