Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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