I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
