you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He better not be in your backpack
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
