I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my being single is dangerous.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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