Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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