you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
