His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
