I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
