just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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