if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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