He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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