i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
