Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
