We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
