I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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