Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
