eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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