I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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