How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You smell like stripper and shame
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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