I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
