I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
It's Friday. Sex?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
