Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
