Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
