they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
