I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
