Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
