those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
