The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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