Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
