He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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