Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
