So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
