Taylor Swift is so right about you.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
