It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Acid is not a monday night drug
this will be a night to untag.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Randomize
