i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
