It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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