Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
