I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
