i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
