why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
