I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
