You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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