My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize