How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
