Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
