I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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