Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
