All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
