did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
