We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
