Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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