Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
