I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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