I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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