i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
