Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
