I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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