haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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