put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You ruined the universe
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
