just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
