I bet he comes in French.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
