After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
