did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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