you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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