Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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