it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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