420 ftw
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
