her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize